..

Another sigh that goes unnoticed........sigh..... none of you remains so I wonder if you are still the same

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That feeling you give

The clock over my door
Ticks and tocks
As moments overlap
My Blindes let me see
And the light gives me sight
Its all beauty

Shirtless and half undressed
I lay in bed
Hearing the past take its last breath
Im partly covered
And barely awake
I
I play footsie alone
About to feel stoned
No frown today
Just a smile to show what i say

I wish to have your hands on me
I want to listen to it move accoss my skin
Feel you press my hips
Squeeze and stare at my eyes as i freeze

Rub my lips on your ears
And hear me breath for you
Holding you tighter
Because im getting higher

But ill lay alone
Beside my phone
Wishing you would call
Asking
May i also lay in this bed
And hug you tonight

Haunted

Written like a ghost
Cold
I felt like we were going to higher places
As soon as I realized heaven lied
It was just enough to see a mist

Abandoned moist in my eyes clear red
Vast in despair
I scream let me die I don't care when and where
So I tippy toe into a higher places

As soon as I got there I saw

I saw an abandoned us

you are.......

.....rare and beautiful
A smile that breaks guards
A presence that I adore
Somethings.
Other ladies would kill for

Your kind and sweet
My little treat
Keep me warm when there is no heat
... a reason why my heart skips beats

I realize what you mean
Sorry If I was ever mean
But I soon realize
Without you
I can't eat
I can't sleep
My heart has never felt so deep

With no you
I have no retreat
Your voice a guidence
My noose to a home

I really miss you when you are not here
Tired of pretending
You are here
Is it fear ?

But I know
You close your eyes
Also wishing you were here
Washing away all fear

The thought of you
With me
It's scary
But it makes me feel real


......... thank you for keeping my mind clear

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lack of oxygen

I know I have it
Just need to hold on

Seconds before
I know I can
Have you been reaching out ?
Wandering eyes

Let.me get this right
No second chances

My feet sweat and I spasm
My body swells

God no
No longer a victim
But I can't help it
My lungs are porous
My limbs are numb

I sweat with questions
Will I make it
Through the night

It seems like I can't

Time is running out
While my vitals crash
I rush to the door
Not sure if its worth the math

My.voice is a layer
Nothing left from my plans
Nothing left in the palm of my hands
As I freeze

My face is filled with tears
Finally in fear
My life is lacking red
My world slowly turns to black


I'm saying goodbye

I'm not sure ill.make it.back

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a lot on my mind tonight

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extreme

I dedicate this to them


I agree to disagree
Connected by heart
But divided by plans to be free
As I continue with my feelings
Your impulses will bite
Anchor to your fear
So you pray for nights
Like hands are tied
Start over again
You will die wishing
So ill only imagine
To defend your end
So like tied hands
You feel like you can't grasp
Down
Broken down
Your silent but your actions will.bring frowns
So.fight.every urge
It's only your minds purge
Why do we do this to ourselves
When fighting every word they say
They will not understand


This may be a man's last stand
if no one gives me a hand

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sold out

Geez there must be a special again , since I was sold out again -_-

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blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I'm dead bored , nothing to do iv done nothing but lay down on my sofa for the past week play drums for 10 mins and occasionally hop around if I need to use the bathroom

My ankle still hurts and I hate crutches I saw the movie lucky number slevin, well made film I really enjoyed the script.
I felt him and I could relate , and I was right deceiving and sexy

I made a dent on the couch which I like its like leaving my mark. Iv got some more time to make a bigger dent since ill be off till most likely Sunday -_-

I can imagine how my suicide attempts will be , ill probably end up.hurting myself and killing some one else ........ I won't kill myself ..... at least I intentionally , most likely accidental

I have been sober for almost a full week beer wise and it sucks because I can't escape my problems , so I'm forces to kinda nudge my ankle every so often to send a jolt of pain to kinda reside some thoughts .....






...



Sigh

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for some one

Words won't catch up
Memories just fade
Time.... just a lie to live for today

It's strange not having you day to day
It makes moments delay
I'm confined
Struggled
Confused about my ways

I can't dwell on it
So ill live through it
Like chemotherapy
But mentally

Youre.not aware
Of my despair
But you know its there
Days revolve
And my soul still dissolves

Sugercoat
I feel like I'm living with no throat
I can't contact you
But I do it because I miss you
So I think of moments with you

I still appreciate how it feels
It.helps me deal

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Tuesday

It's not typical for me to feel the what I did yesterday but it is who I am inside


Since my hospitalization this weekend which took me out for almost 5 days iv held a push inside to die. My mind is off balance but iv realized I need it to be that way sometimes since I don't have anyone to talk too so I NEED to compensate with anxiety, thoughts of being positive, moments of random depression and moments where I think possible plans that will improve my well being and that makes me happy

Iv had some strong moments today with my guest and after reflecting on todays chat I came to a conclusion ....... us as people will end ourselves when we no longer know what we see .

If we can't think of it , then it can't exist

The past few weeks iv been hurt with the thought of some of my relationships that have fallen apart
How some things happen with straight foreword results
And how the rest just maintain its action so that its effects are not seen for months

Any way this post is slowly degrading

Sighnessss..........

Another night where the conversation involves me myself and nothing will last because ic got nothing to lose with myself

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well

well its the same here I'm alone a lot of the time but like I say if you can't keep yourself company you can't keep people.company unless your drunk

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a truth from me

I don't understand people
I really don't
I do not

I.can't figure out
Why do people say
They feel this
But don't do that

Why do they lie
Manipulate
Keep you pinned
As a reserve

I'm not a.child
I hear your audio leer
But I'm not a fool

Lately
When people say

Juan Iv missed you
It sounds like
Juan they're dissing you

Like iv been gone
Like iv ignored
Like iv never texted
Replied
Or never Said hi

Not even to say
Feel better today


So w.e

I guess I shouldnt.care
But its not fair
It
Thickens the air

So Fuck you

Next time you all need me
I hope you get Fucked
I hope you shit yourselves
It hurts to understand
It's not who I feel I am

I guess after what happened
Thursday iv cone to realize
I value people more then their worth

I don't feel any better

But at least I have a heart made.of fucking leather

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