Hi

The world is silent
And my own is not mine
I took because its human
I gave because its compassion
Its not us or alien
Its inside that we do not own
We walk debating
But we talk fading

But we is us and us is i
So please dont end it with a sigh

Want to let go

Its almost eleven and it is the 15 th of july
So far things have sucked so bad im sure eva angelina cant compete lol

. .< that space ? Its how close i am to joining the marines, i came upon this because i really need money but i also am .. ( another example of closeness)(( being honest here )) that close to stabbing a knife on any visible area on my skin, i know it sounds extreme but for any one that knows me , and not many really do, im too much of a pussy to do this. Many decisions have affected this influence, i am too aware of possibilities but so am i aware of possible failures.

Anyway
Iv been trying to move on with my recent situation with her and i really cant let this go and it really bothers me.
Iv tried so long to say ok not possible, but i was caught of guard
My heart is meant to love, well not love but really like those that show me compassion. She wouldnt stop at all , persistince is what i like and i blew it , straight to the point , i never knew not risking emotions was a dangerous adventure...../:

I honestly never knew i would feel like this for any one else and i hate it
It hurts me so much to know i might have lost what i had in front of me
Its not being blind
Its fear
And its done more then its job
It may have done sone serious damage
I cant be friends with some one iv made love too
I know some guys might call me a pussy or a punk, but i dobt give a shit
My feelings are felt by me so i know alot more then the visible.
But it wasnt just a kiss or grabbing
It was heart beats and warmth
My passion was there
Things that i swore no one else would be able to drag out of me

..... But as said before
Im not dwelling
Im just sad since
I really have no friends that will not understand but just dont give a shit
Or just cant help me cope



I guess i still have my reasons why i can consider some way to remove my exsistince

But as of now i miss you and to my family
Im sorry for anything i might do
Im not crazy
Im not sick
I know what love and hate are
I know about being poor and rich

I had a name and i had people in my life that were proud to call me thier boy friend

I had it all
But im left with nothing at all
I cant or wont give up

..... I just dont belong in this universe

To everyone .....love yourself but love others
I know i dont belong in a world with cheaters liars and thieves
And ill cry every night untill i die in my sleep
But ill stay be myself because its all i have

The line

So my healing will start to stop
And my surroundings are numb
So i feel like crossing the line
The horizon where things blur
While i put these letters in front of you
My stomach feels empty
The nights haunt me
Where words used to make me warm

So now i can barely eat
Im restless untill the pill dissolves

So our hands untie and the world
Seems to divide
And i fall in
Words are spoken
And now i feel broken

That line was our starting line
A libe i never left you cross
And when i wanted to?
It was to late

Trying to move my heart

Its stuck
A little dry
An a little sore
Its been beating and in sync with my mind
Which it almost never does
----
Anyway

Im not sure if this is ever going to be read by anyone
Iv been trying to avoid facebook and social sites because as much as i try i cant deny my soul its only method of expression and i dont need people calling me this or that considering they barely know my problems or moments i smile
Well this way since im paintless and iv literally have no motivation anymore
Im not sure how much longer i can take this place, typical b.s no one is content with how thier life is going but most dont understand the hardships others go through.

As noticable my sentences are out of place and i cant move words well
I only had a handful of chips two small bites of icecream and alot of water
Im exhausted right now my mind is not racing its paced
Im forcing myself to move some feelings
Around since i really dont know where things .... Or my life for that matter stand. Im close enough to join the armed forces, its not an act because the past few days but im done with my financial , relationships and emotinal problems

Im broke , im an idiot and no one cares

Its a nice order of operations lol, not that its a funnie problem but dam i never thought my soul full of wonder, will, ideas, love and so on would be the one regreting and not acconplishing

Ironic
Nice ones do not finish last
We allow people to get ahead of us

Keep this short
Iv decided to leave america for a while but not sure leavig is a good idea as much as i hurt here..... What hurts the most is all my friends are gone .....

In pieces

Words are spoken
And the way i feel is mine alone
Walking into something
I wanted it one way
But ended up lying to myself
Now
Im in pieces

I knew i would create confusion
Why do we do this to ourselves
We are fighting every world we build

Why do we do this
Reward ourselfs with every feeling we sell
Ii want to dance the night away
But ill sleep in pieces alone again