Want to let go

Its almost eleven and it is the 15 th of july
So far things have sucked so bad im sure eva angelina cant compete lol

. .< that space ? Its how close i am to joining the marines, i came upon this because i really need money but i also am .. ( another example of closeness)(( being honest here )) that close to stabbing a knife on any visible area on my skin, i know it sounds extreme but for any one that knows me , and not many really do, im too much of a pussy to do this. Many decisions have affected this influence, i am too aware of possibilities but so am i aware of possible failures.

Anyway
Iv been trying to move on with my recent situation with her and i really cant let this go and it really bothers me.
Iv tried so long to say ok not possible, but i was caught of guard
My heart is meant to love, well not love but really like those that show me compassion. She wouldnt stop at all , persistince is what i like and i blew it , straight to the point , i never knew not risking emotions was a dangerous adventure...../:

I honestly never knew i would feel like this for any one else and i hate it
It hurts me so much to know i might have lost what i had in front of me
Its not being blind
Its fear
And its done more then its job
It may have done sone serious damage
I cant be friends with some one iv made love too
I know some guys might call me a pussy or a punk, but i dobt give a shit
My feelings are felt by me so i know alot more then the visible.
But it wasnt just a kiss or grabbing
It was heart beats and warmth
My passion was there
Things that i swore no one else would be able to drag out of me

..... But as said before
Im not dwelling
Im just sad since
I really have no friends that will not understand but just dont give a shit
Or just cant help me cope



I guess i still have my reasons why i can consider some way to remove my exsistince

But as of now i miss you and to my family
Im sorry for anything i might do
Im not crazy
Im not sick
I know what love and hate are
I know about being poor and rich

I had a name and i had people in my life that were proud to call me thier boy friend

I had it all
But im left with nothing at all
I cant or wont give up

..... I just dont belong in this universe

To everyone .....love yourself but love others
I know i dont belong in a world with cheaters liars and thieves
And ill cry every night untill i die in my sleep
But ill stay be myself because its all i have